September 2024: What is Anticipatory Grief?
Often, the people who contact ACGL have not experienced the death of a person but are experiencing anticipatory or disenfranchised grief. These types of losses include loss due to caring for a loved one, loss due to a terminal diagnosis, or loss due to divorce. These losses are real and people who experiencing them have the same symptoms as those who have had physical death in their lives. Why is this?
When someone is physically present, but not mentally present, their family goes through the same changes in their relationship as they do when there is a physical death. Grandfather can no longer respond or play with the children or is unavailable to advise his adult children. The family experiences a new way of being with Grandfather and feels sadness that the one they knew is no longer present with them.
Another type of anticipatory grief occurs when a family doesn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye or is not sure if the loved one is still alive. The brain is still searching for a connection to the loved one but there is no response. Individuals or family members may feel a profound sense of “searching” within themselves and anxiety or loneliness as severe as in the physical absence of a loved one.
Whatever the circumstances, I urge you to seek help if you find yourself withdrawing from friends and family, changing your nutritional intake, or increasing your use of substances, or if you notice extended periods of sadness, anxiety, depression, listlessness, or sleeplessness. Taking care of yourself includes taking care of your mental health.
All the best,
Nanci Silver Boice, M.Ed., M.A., LMFT-S, LPC-S
Clinical Director, the Austin Center for Grief & Loss
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